Whispers of Love
by Dementia is Reality
Summary: Ramblings of Bella's mind as she tries to remain strong during a time of weakness. AH, this fic will more than likely be filled with some heavy sorrow.
1. Chapter 1

**_Note- _**_I'll make this a quick just to explain a little bit. I lost my grandfather and needed a way to cope with the sadness. I haven't had a death in my family for 16 years so it was quite a change of realizing how much more emotional it has become. Maybe its the better understanding they aren't coming back...not that I didn't know this before but still just different how life changes and when something like death happens it can stir up a lot in your mind. _

_Also each chapter is short. Four line breaks with two sentences in each one along with a title, if thats what you want to call it. Don't know why this happened this way, I try not to question why I do things weird I just started to embrace it. When I tried writing this out like normal it wasn't feeling right so I created it this weird placement style and for some reason it was working just right in my head so excuse the confusion as I get lost in my head. _

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><p><strong>WHISPERS OF LOVE<strong>

Lines around me all meaning different things. Some lines connect while others are not.

Life is nothing but lines. Straight line here, straight line there.

Some lines break the mold. Often losing their function and becoming a curve.

Simplicity at its finest slowly distorts itself. Chaos does not ensue but is rather embrace for going against its natural intent.


	2. Chapter 2

**Is this what it is like to go mad? You slowly slip into it without a care?**

What once was a line transforms into a letter. Only very few letters can stand on their own while others need more to accompany them.

Words have strength yet some can be weak. Repeat a word over and over or speak it too often then it might just lose its value.

One box, two box, three box, four...box. Pair words up to create sentences and then you have power.

Place meaning behind the words and people will believe. Add the words 'I' and 'you' to any sentence then you create the world's most powerful statements.


	3. Chapter 3

**'I hate you' and 'I love you'**

Straight and narrow lines create borders. More curvature lines show off their significants.

So many boxes, each one meaningless as the one beside it. The box with the swirly four in the top right corner keeps grabbing my attention.

This box has more importance over the others. Curving lines circle around the box with multiple colors.

Through the process of calligraphy the words 'I love you' mark this box. Mark this day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Is that today? Is that tomorrow? Or was it yesterday?**

Days are blurry. Like the boxes, I can't tell where one begins and where the next one ends.

Above the boxes reads the word _July_. July is one of those strong words that can stand on its own.

I'm pretty sure it still is July. There's no way I blindly went through an entire month or at least I hope not.

The number four box calls my attention again. Above the 'I love you' was a bolding statement.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wedding Day**

Butterflies scramble to fly out of an air bubble being suppress. Lines are blurring again.

Opening a window cleanses the world around me. Fresh air tingles the senses.

Twirling a ring on the ring finger calms the nerves. Like a dome over my head the world seems quieter.

Is this okay? Is this something that shouldn't be done?


	6. Chapter 6

**What is traditional now a days anyways?**

Who makes up the rules for traditions? Do we follow them for a reason?

Want vs. need….I want to but I know I don't need to. So much to worry about when in the end it all doesn't even matter.

Life has too many rules. Why must there be more idealized listings to follow with marriage?

What's the saying? Something borrowed, something blue, something old, something new.


	7. Chapter 7

**Something borrowed**

Four inch pumps, AKA Alice's striper shoes for the day time. Crazy bitch wears higher ones at night.

I've tried several failed attempts at walking in them. She knows I can't walk in these, I don't know why she insists on them.

"They are shear black with silver studs, they go with everything Bella!" Shaking my head and take a breath.

Tripping over my two left feet again, I think this was failed attempted number 672. After this is all said and done Alice said I could keep them if I wanted, is that still falling under the borrow ruling?


	8. Chapter 8

**Something blue**

Gran's hair clips looks exactly as I remember it. Shiny silver wire work with rhinestones scattering about.

I'm sure Mom instructed Charlie on putting the sapphire stones in the mix. I keep waving the clip to watch the dazzling affect of the light bouncing off the gems.

Feels like I'm in the inside of a snow globe when lights twinkle and flash in front of me. With the white and blue tones its has a winter wonderland feel.

I wonder if Gran would like Edward? Maybe they have already meet by now because who knows how this world works, I sure don't.


	9. Chapter 9

**Something old**

Twirl a ring. My little reminder of the one I love.

The wedding ring belonged to Edward's grandmother once. A ring of ever lasting bonding from her husband, Edward wanted to pass it on to me.

He promised me at least 60 years of togetherness just like his grandparents. If we lived longer then that was just bonus years we could look forward to.

He wanted to be the old couple still holding hands as they walk down the street. Unfortunately his promise didn't live up to fate, we didn't even get to reach 5 years.


	10. Chapter 10

**Something new**

A dress against all tradition. A dress not meant for this occasion, but creates poetic justice.

Out with an old life and in with a new. A new life that starts with a black dress.

Slick bodice with silk ruffles that cascade just above the knee. Still debating if a necklace is required or not, Alice should know.

Limp and emotionalist when not attach to a body. My soul feels like it has been hanging on the closet door for centuries.


	11. Chapter 11

**Saved by the bell**

Focus, twirl a ring. Wouldn't be long now before emotions would take the wheel of my vessel.

Figure in the door way. Was I seeing things again or was this one real?

Alice? She must have been the one to ring the door bell.

Primping bag in hand with a smile to cheer a crowd she proceeds to lay out her goods. Today is officially July 4th, or was this was another mock trial?


	12. Chapter 12

**Bad hair day**

Alice's voice echoes in my head. The 4th indeed, so this is the final run through.

Hair always goes first, Alice's voice is only a murmur. Something about oily.

Is my hair that bad? When did I shower last, was that yesterday or two days ago?

Dragging me to the bathroom I'm commanded to stay. The waiting game takes a toll on my curiosity, I take the plunge to look at myself.


	13. Chapter 13

**Mirror, mirror on the wall**

Gasping is the only audible noise I could make. Who is this person I gaze upon?

Shocking results for eyes that did not want to see. This person staring back at me is indeed me.

Eyes blood shot. Dark circles below.

Skin so pale. Lips cracking with dried blood.


	14. Chapter 14

_**You're beautiful**_

An angel calls out to me or a demon flirts me to the edge of temptation again. Nerves start shaking.

His voice so clear. I know it was him, he's here with me.

Spinning around frantically searching. Every time coming up short.

Splashing my face with water I drown the sound away. But nothing ever takes away the image that lies behind my eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

**Breath of life**

My eyes meet with his in the mirror and the world stops spinning. An apologetic smile flashes back at me when recognition reminds me that Alice shares Edward's eyes.

Pushing hope aside Alice convinces me to shower. Stepping into the warming stream of water sends goosebumps all over me.

I let my emotions roll off with the water as much as I could but the thought of Edward still lingers. Laying down in tub I position myself so the water hits me just right.

I was missing the touch of Edward so I try pleasuring myself. Takes the edge off but not the same…it will never be the same, not the way I remember.


	16. Chapter 16

**Pamper VS. Torture**

Plastering a fake smile I sit patiently as Alice lines everything up on the counter. Sitting on the toilet as a make-shift chair Alice begins to blow dry my hair.

Something about having someone do something for you like this was freeing. I'm feeling at ease.

Hair blowing everywhere, one strand pokes me in the eye. Eyes water when I don't want them too.

Guess its better that we aren't on the mascara step yet. Wondering when this will be over.


	17. Chapter 17

**War paint**

Folding her arms, cocking her head to the side. Alice studies my face.

Grabbing concealer for my dark circles she begins to pat it on. Staring into Alice's eyes I could see her soul.

A soul that couldn't be broken. A spirit that could carry on no matter what life threw at her.

A steady breath gives me courage. I question Alice if this day seems foolish to others.


	18. Chapter 18

**Smoke gets in your eyes**

There was no more fighting the tears. Swallowing air feels like rocks trapping in my throat.

Alice embraces me and reassures its okay. I cling on to her like child holding their most treasured blanket.

Stroking my hair she expresses that we can wait another day. Shaking my head no was all I could do.

Edward and I promised each other this day. I was hoping it wasn't only me that thought it was logical this way or just a foolish dream.


	19. Chapter 19

**Photo finish line**

Somehow Alice was able to soothe me. Upon finishing the makeup routine we share smiles and stores.

Having her around is making things easier to deal with. Showing me to the mirror I realize all hope is not lost.

Staring back at me is the strong confident girl I knew. The one that could handle this day with all it has to offer.

Laughing it off I joke about the mess we make and the memories. Tissues thrown all around and makeup all over the place.


	20. Chapter 20

**Is this the calm before the storm?**

Somehow there is a freeing weight off my shoulders, off my body. As though maybe I'm at peace, or at least for the moment.

Grabbing the dress off the closet door I get excited to finally wear it. Alice helps me get into my dress.

I never could do the zipper in the back of any dress like most women do in the movies. I think every girl in Hollywood must be double jointed.

I put my shoes on as Alice debates on jewelry. With my hair down we keep it simple with stud earrings and a simple tear drop diamond necklace.


	21. Chapter 21

**Laughter is the key**

Waiting down stairs Alice and I sit on the couch. All I can hear is mumbling and fumbling coming from Charlie's room.

He hates dressing up for anything. Getting lost in my head uncontrollable laughter takes over me.

The imagine of Charlie creating a sailors knot or hanging himself for wearing the penguin suit kept coming to mind. Along with with clown shoes as he would refer to them.

Between gasps of air I ask Alice to help him. I brace her that she'll be walking into the land of confusion…leave a trail of breadcrumbs.


	22. Chapter 22

**Everything changes over night**

Making their way down I couldn't help but taking a step back. When you are with people day to day seeing visible changes are hard.

Stopping at the last step Charlie smiles a grin ear to ear. He's hair is a lot softer as though more grey hairs have come in, aging him 5 years in the matter of a few days.

Worry lines seem more predominant now as well. I wonder if this was my doing, me worrying him as he reaches out to me for a hug.

A brace I didn't want to let go of. The reality train was approaching and I really wasn't ready to board.


	23. Chapter 23

**2 hour trip when you really only go a mile**

Climbing into Charlie's cop car I opt to sit in the back with Alice. Everyone else is to meet us at the…event.

Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Is this really what life has in store for me, or any of us.

If I knew this is what was going to happen would I have changed anything in my life? Would life have been more carefree or more dread upon this day?

Putting my attention else where I gaze out the window. Everything around is living and full of life, but how is it that the world around me feels like it's come to a complete stop?


	24. Chapter 24

**Clarity in the air**

Pulling up to the church all signs point to happiness. For once the sun graced us with it's presense.

Fork's cloudy overlay never lets the sun shine upon it's greenier. I wondered if this was Edward's doing.

Everyone was here already. Dressed to the nines and not a hair out of place.

As sad as of a thought it was, everyone was just another face. All I wanted was to see him.


	25. Chapter 25

**Acting Human**

Thinking only made the eyes blur with rivers flowing down the face. I had to turn off any last emotional strings if I wanted to make it through the day.

It surprised me how little the community of Forks was. However I still didn't know everyone here.

Mindlessly I put on a fake smile. Hugs and handshakes are exchanged as we all pile into the church.

Everyone goes to the left while family proceded to the right. A chilled wave went down my spine.


	26. Chapter 26

**Cold Feet**

I stopped my body before I entered. Deep breath in as Charlie pulled me closer with a squeeze.

At the end of the asile I noticed him. But not the way I remember him.

With his spirit gone there was no hug to say hello. No smile to signal all was fine.

No green eyes looking back at me whispering 'I love you' without saying words. As I placed my hand on his all I felt was coldness, no more tender warmth.


	27. Chapter 27

**Strength**

Holding it together I made peace with his body before me. Something about it was relaxing.

In my head his voice echoed, "It's okay, I'm okay". Unsettled nerves soothe.

Edward's family always treated me like their own. After hugging them all once more we made our way to the chapel.

Alice sat next to me and grabbed for my hand. Edward's casket was carried into the room and from there his life story was told.


	28. Chapter 28

**Losing fight**

I already knew his story...cancer. Everyday truely was precious when you are given a shorter length of life than expected.

To lose someone so soon was a great loss, one I couldn't comprehend. A battle no one could help you fight, a battle I couldn't stand up for the one I loved.

Today's original intention was for it to be our wedding day. Per my request I was honored with our wedding rings during the speech.

A symbol to signify I would always love him. I walked myself over to Edward's body and placed his ring upon his ring finger.


	29. Chapter 29

**Officially his**

Thanked everyone for coming and supporting us. Some rumors floated around that we were young and foolish.

I expressed there was no such thing as foolish acts. Being married was something Edward desired most in life.

Unfortunitly 'til death due us part' came before the 'I do's.' So today would remain the day we celebrated a union.

I placed my ring upon my finger. I took one last look at Edward before the casket was closed.


	30. Chapter 30

**Crack of a fragile egg**

With the ring on a my finger I felt stron and confident. Alice pulled me into a hug saying shw as happy to have me as an offical sister.

Everyone rose up to their feet as the paulberiers picked up the casket to begin their trek to the hurse. It felt as though someone just threw stones at my glass wall of defense.

Without any sounds tears poured out. No amount of blinking would stop the chaos.

As if someone stabbed me in my neck my throat acked with pain. Realization sets in that this truely is the end of what I used to know.


	31. Chapter 31

**Lonely in a crowd**

Charlie and Alice both craddle an arm on either side as we walked to the grave site. I'm sure I would have fallen if it weren't for them.

Everyone gathered around the burial to say one last goodbye. Each member of the Cullen's family, Charlie, and me placed a rose upon the casket.

Slowly the casket was lowered into the groung. Fighting the urge to puke I clinged to Charlie in an embrace.

I wasn't too sure what to do at this point. How do you go on when that one love is now gone.

**Only time could tell...**

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><p><strong><em><span>Side Note:<span>_**

Just wanted to say a simple thanks to anyone who read this. I know I suck at writing but it felt good to get the emotions out.


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